Tomorrow is Halloween and I have a costume party to go to.  This always happens to me… I can’t think of anything to dress up as!  My options are limited.  It’s not like I can be just any character. 

• The costumes in the stores just don’t fit!  No matter how much I look I can’t just go grab a costume from the local “Halloween shop” 

• Sure, I can get a mask, but what about the rest of the ensemble?  When all your clothes are super expensive (I just bought a pair of “cheap jeans” for $50).  Who can afford to get an outfit for just one night?

• I know what you’re saying… go to Goodwill or Salvation Army… IT WON’T WORK!  Fat people don’t give up their old clothes.  (More on that in a future blog post) 

• So, I’m stuck without being able to buy a costume.  But, even if I could buy a costume I wouldn’t look anything like the real character… I would be a HUGE version of the real character with disproportional features.

• It sucks that skinny people can get “fat suits” and it’s funny.

• When fat guys dress up as “normal guys” it’s gross. (But still sorta funny)

So, my last option is to find a character that is fat, right?  Well, there’s not much to choose from! 

1. Chris Farley – DEAD and way overdone.  I mean “fat guy in a little coat” is a bit overplayed!
2. Fat Bastard from Austin Powers – No Thanks! I can’t tell you how many times I was teased with “Get in my Belly” after that movie came out.
3. A Biggest Loser Contestant (before the show) – Maybe!
4. Fat Albert – I’m white.
5. Santa – BORING!!! Plus, you have to deal with all these kids and what they want for Christmas

To be absolutely honest, what I want to be this Halloween is Peter Griffin from Family Guy.  I could pull it off pretty easily, but what about the green pants?  They are pretty crucial!

But, since I don’t have any green pants… I’m probably just going to do something pretty trashy (pun intended).  I’m going to go get one of those giant orange pumpkin trash bags that you put leaves in.  I’m going to cut holes in it and wear it. It’s cheap.  It will fit. It won’t take much time… it’s perfect!  I’ll post pics after the party!

Got any ideas for me for next year?  (Without having to spend a ton of money)

Why is it that all of the sudden I have to pay two to three dollars more per shirt for a XXL or XXXL?  Who thought that, ‘Hey…here’s a plan, lets make the larger, fat, tall (whatever) people pay more for their clothing just because of their size!’  Honestly…how much more material does it take? How many more man/woman hours does it take to make XXL and XXXL shirts as opposed to S-XL? My guess is that it doesn’t take any longer.  I think I will coin this as ‘Fat Tax’….and I don’t like it. It’s bad enough with the rising costs of everything else!  Even though I hate Wal-Mart with just about every fiber of my being, (I’m more of Target person. Mostly because I feel safer.) I do have to admit that they DO have the cheapest prices around (except for a place like Savers, Salvation Army, Good Shepherd Alliance, Goodwill…etc.) 

One more thing. I used to be able to buy larger size shirts at Gap, Old Navy and American Eagle.  Well, they still carry XXL size shirts but when I try them on, they are actually more around an XL size.  All I can say is…why? I’m sure they don’t really even miss my business (Darn you corporations!) but it does make me sad that I can no longer wear a lot of what’s in style.  Are they sizing small children for these shirts?  I mean come on.  Make something I can buy! I don’t mean to sound bitter about all of this.  I’m actually a very happy person. I wish I could think of a way to get the prices to be the same and give a positive suggestion but I can’t.  Anyway…What do you think? Do you believe that this ‘Fat Tax’ is unfair and unwarranted as I do?  Tell me your thoughts.

Post written by Mike Cunsolo. www.mikecunsolo.com