Just another reason fat people shouldn’t go to Japan…

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As I said in my last post I flew to England recently.  Oh boy, was it an adventure!

Let’s start off at the airport in Indianapolis.  I get there and the lady at check-in tells me that there are like 7 empty seats around me.  So here I am feeling good – thinking that I’m going to be able to stretch out on this 1 hour flight to Detroit.  SHE LIED.  The plane was full.  I boarded early to make sure I got to my seat and didn’t have to make the walk of shame.  When I got on the plane I did my normal procedure.

1. Tell the flight attendant that I will be needing a seat belt extender.  (Because I’m too poor to buy one)
2. Find my seat.
3. Put the aisle armrest up. (yes, they go up.  SHHH… It’s top secret)
4. Pack myself into the seat.

When the other passengers boarded I was patiently awaiting for my seat-mate to find me and to see his/her expression.  Much to my surprise, he didn’t look surprised.  He looked like he was too high to care.  He was rocking out to some Rock n’ Roll on his antique headphones.  A guy behind me was jealous that I had put my arm rest up and he wanted to know how I did it.  The flight attendant was also shocked that it went up!  Apparently, this is a little known secret.  A little known secret that I hold dear to my heart. 
The one thing about the armrest secret is that it’s got to be down during take-off & landing.  So for those 10 minutes I have to scrunch up & suck it up.  The guy next to me didn’t seem to mind that I took up 1/4 of his seat for that time.  As soon as we were up in the air… the guy in front of me jammed his seat back into my knee.  It took all my restraint not to punch him in the back of his dirty head.  I did let out a “OK, that hurt!” but he didn’t seem to notice.  Once I calmed myself down from the abuse I had endured, I raised the aisle armrest back up and once again stretched out.  The plane ride was over in less than an hour.  So it wasn’t too bad.

The plane ride from to Detroit to London was the one I was worried about.  I must say, God took care of me!  I had 2 seats all to myself to and from London!  It was an amazing thing.  The Northwest Gate crews were able to move people around to have an open seat next to me!  I am extremely grateful! (A special thanks goes out to the “small-yet-fat” guy @ the Detroit airport.

I was able to snap couple of pictures on the plane…

This is a shot of me stretched out into my 2nd seat!!  That’s right.  I am a seat dominator!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a new feature that I hadn’t seen before… Adjustable headrests!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is me after “emptying the tank” in the bathroom made for midgets!  (I should get a special pass to the Mile High Club just for my efforts)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once I landed in England.  The adventures continued… here are 2 pictures of me and small cars.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I also found this store called Fat Face – Much to my chagrin, they didn’t have any clothes for fat people. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had a blast on my trip.  I didn’t see many other big people. 
But, I was able to make friends with some skinny people.  (Believe it or not)

So, this is what I’ve come to realize…  I might just be too big for England.  I’m not sure.

Airplanes – I hate em’.  I hate the feeling I get as the plane takes off.  I hate the smell.  I hate the fact that the seatbelts are too small and I have to ask for an extender.   I hate the fact that the person in front of me always leans their seat back.  I hate the food they serve (except for the twisted pretzels, those were good) But one of the things I hate the most is…

The Walk of Shame! – It’s exactly like it sounds.  When I get on the plane (especially being one of the last to board) I have to make the walk to my seat in complete shame.  Everyone is already seated and watching as I maneuver my way past every seat while carrying my bag.  It’s a difficult maneuver, as I’m 6’5 and some of the smaller planes seem to be exactly that height… so I’m not only trying to keep from rubbing my butt & groin on people’s shoulders as a turn sideways – I also have to duck and dodge the open luggage carriers above.  I feel like a football player doing some type of running drill. 

• One of the craziest things is as I walk towards everyone facing me is, I’m able to see people’s reactions.   
• Some make a quick double-check to ensure that the seat next to them is already taken.
• Some try not to look, as though I don’t see them peeking over their “flight safety guides”
• Some just blatantly stare with mouth wide open.
• Some hush their child who yells out “Mommy, look at that guy – he’s HUGE!”
• Some feel the need to make sure their friend can also enjoy in my misery.

But, just about everyone is hoping that I’m not going to sit next to them!  I wish I could see people’s reactions as I pass them… I imagine there are many relieved faces and “Thanks Gods” 

I made a little picture to give you an idea…

Once I finally reach my assigned seat & unlucky passenger I always feel the need to apologize for what is about to happen. (Inside I really just want to say, “bet you wish you would have bought a 1st class ticket ”) But instead I just apologize and take my seat (and some of theirs). 
And once I’m seated the experience is just beginning!

(I’m flying to England this Friday, so I will write after that about my experiences once I get to my seat!)