Posted by admin in As I said in my last post I flew to England recently. Oh boy, was it an adventure!
Let’s start off at the airport in Indianapolis. I get there and the lady at check-in tells me that there are like 7 empty seats around me. So here I am feeling good – thinking that I’m going to be able to stretch out on this 1 hour flight to Detroit. SHE LIED. The plane was full. I boarded early to make sure I got to my seat and didn’t have to make the walk of shame. When I got on the plane I did my normal procedure.
- Tell the flight attendant that I will be needing a seat belt extender. (Because I’m too poor to buy one)
- Find my seat.
- Put the aisle armrest up. (yes, they go up. SHHH… It’s top secret)
- Pack myself into the seat.
When the other passengers boarded I was patiently awaiting for my seat-mate to find me and to see his/her expression. Much to my surprise, he didn’t look surprised. He looked like he was too high to care. He was rocking out to some Rock n’ Roll on his antique headphones. A guy behind me was jealous that I had put my arm rest up and he wanted to know how I did it. The flight attendant was also shocked that it went up! Apparently, this is a little known secret. A little known secret that I hold dear to my heart.
The one thing about the armrest secret is that it’s got to be down during take-off & landing. So for those 10 minutes I have to scrunch up & suck it up. The guy next to me didn’t seem to mind that I took up 1/4 of his seat for that time. As soon as we were up in the air… the guy in front of me jammed his seat back into my knee. It took all my restraint not to punch him in the back of his dirty head. I did let out a “OK, that hurt!” but he didn’t seem to notice. Once I calmed myself down from the abuse I had endured, I raised the aisle armrest back up and once again stretched out. The plane ride was over in less than an hour. So it wasn’t too bad.
The plane ride from to Detroit to London was the one I was worried about. I must say, God took care of me! I had 2 seats all to myself to and from London! It was an amazing thing. The Northwest Gate crews were able to move people around to have an open seat next to me! I am extremely grateful! (A special thanks goes out to the “small-yet-fat” guy @ the Detroit airport.
I was able to snap couple of pictures on the plane…
This is a shot of me stretched out into my 2nd seat!! That’s right. I am a seat dominator!
This is a new feature that I hadn’t seen before… Adjustable headrests!
This is me after “emptying the tank” in the bathroom made for midgets! (I should get a special pass to the Mile High Club just for my efforts)
Once I landed in England. The adventures continued… here are 2 pictures of me and small cars.
I also found this store called Fat Face – Much to my chagrin, they didn’t have any clothes for fat people.
I had a blast on my trip. I didn’t see many other big people.
But, I was able to make friends with some skinny people. (Believe it or not)
So, this is what I’ve come to realize… I might just be too big for England. I’m not sure.
“ok, that hurt” thats funny man. i laughed at that. i can clearly hear you sharing with that special friend of yours in front. I dont think it would be possible for you and i to sit next to each other on the plane. we should try it sometime.
Hey Ryan,
This is Andy Black from NCU. I don’t know if you remember me, but we’re friends on Facebook.
I’m not sure how I got here. You might be a big self-promoter with a growing web presence.
Did you hear about the Canadian courts’ recent ruling that fat people only need to buy one seat” It looks like the Canadians have set the progressive stance on “fat-o-nomics.” Can I say that?
Great niche blog
-Andy
Andy, yea I remember u from NCU!
I am definitely a big promoter! I did just read about that. I think it’s very interesting and fair!
what is the trick to getting up the aisle arm rest?
The aisle arm rest only goes up in some kinds of planes. There is usually a trigger on the back underside of the arm. Its so much more pleasant when that arm can be lifted. It give my wide arse and my back and ahalf more room to get rammed into by the flight attendants and people who use the aisle for exercise back and forth to water CLOSET. Be careful though, one time I sat in an isle seat and found it to be very “giving” without moving either arm. It wasn’t until a bit later that I noticed that the aisle arm was at a 45 degree angle out into the aisle. The flight attendant soon came down the aisle and politely suggested that she might have a seat that was more comfortable for me. (took me to one with an empty next to it.)
Thanks for the tip Greg! I usually call the Customer Service ahead of time to have them ensure me that the aisle armrest does in fact go up! It’s funny that most flight attendants weren’t even aware that they go up!